This was something that I really prided myself on doing. Having themed music to go along with your sexcapades, make-out sessions, or just plan hanging out. Lately I've been really blowing it and usually listening to Odd Future (who are actually pretty awesome) or something else equally dumb. Last year I put out my top albums to swing to and these are the next batch for 2011.
Electric Wizard-Come My Fanatics:
Holy shit, we are totally fucking to a psychedelic metal album right now. Imagine it, we had just smoked a joint and hanging out in our underwear. Does this slow down our vibes? Absolutely not, we are entangled in our long hair and cutting a pentagram in our chests.
Radiohead-In Rainbows:
Its just sad enough to really think twice about what you are about to do.
Sitar Beats Volume 1:
My friend Lato introduced this to me last month while we went camping up in Joshua Tree. Fucking awesome old school Indian Funk. Tell me you don't want to dance your brains off after you put this on.
The XX-s/t:
No shit. Feelin' sexy, feelin' like zoning out. Exactly the type of studio processed indie music I wanna listen to while heading to the bone zone.
The Pixies-Trompe Le Monde:
Specifically for their Jesus and The Mary Chain cover of Head On. This is really some cutesy shit. This will get so much energy in the room it will make your man's little head explode.
The Death Proof Soundtrack:
This makes me look like a huge douchebag. Have you ever listened to this though? Fucking great mix. The sexiest Coasters song entitled "Down in Mexico" is something that I could drool over. Every Tarantino soundtrack has of course the random dialogue thrown into the track lists but those are easy to get rid of. Unless you want to cum listening to Kurt Russell and Rose Mcgowen talk about nonsense.
Bathory- s/t:
I can only get away with putting this on with certain dudes. You know, the ones that like to get fucking dark.
Email or comment for suggestions and if you want, ridicule me. Roccamonaut@gmail.com
Thursday, April 7, 2011
Monday, April 4, 2011
alone in their room
There is nothing worse than getting woken up at the crack of dawn because your boy toy has a meeting that he has to get to. You know what I am talking about ladies. Having to drive in traffic after getting railed all night and looking like yesterdays special. Hopefully you brought your sunnies because it's a long drive home anywhere at 7:00 am. So, what the fuck could I be even talking about? I'm talking about those few who are your friends, consistent lovers, or awesome dudes who just let you keep on sleeping long after they have been slaving away at work. As someone who is "freelance" I spend a lot of the time unemployed. So I don't really have much responsibility when it comes to needing to get some place in the morning. I'd like to think that this isn't exactly applicable to girls with boyfriends because they usually just live at their house anyways but I can think of a few examples in my head that kick out their own girlfriends.
This isn't something that girls really care about by the way, this is just kind of a, "fuck yeah, get to on sleep in." type thing. Completely understandable if you don't trust the hussy you fucked to not steal anything whilst you are pushing papers or folding t-shirts but some of us are honest, somewhat.
I just wanted to go into a little bit of detail of what goes on when you are gone. These are some of the routines that I follow when I wake up from said comfy beds:
-text message on my phone for about 20-25 minutes
-go to the bathroom and rub off all smeared mascara off from underneath eyes, shower if reallllllly needed.
-go back to bed
-smoke weed from bongs
-make bed and fluff pillows naked (naked isn't optional. this is something I advise all girls to do for your man, this is such an awesome feeling to see when you get home. kind of a thank you for not making me get up at the crack of dawn after fucking me all night type deal. no pillow mints though, don't want them thinking you are some sort of run of the mill floozy housekeeper)
-leave house
How late is too late?
Whenever I wake up past noon I always have to second guess myself and wonder if I should've left around 10. Is waking up past noon too comfortable and rude? Does it really matter? Something that has been an obstacle in my free loving hanging out in a dudes room scenarios: Roommates. If I could tell you all the times I walked out of my babes room and totally forgot that the live-in neighbor was there I'd probably owe you a few nickels. It's almost worse than the walk of shame because you have literally no back up plans here. Seriously just gotta be like, "whoa, woke up a little late! hah hah!" Then bounce the hell outta there. Getting to you car, high as hell, cackling at your misfortunes, thinking about the good night.
This isn't something that girls really care about by the way, this is just kind of a, "fuck yeah, get to on sleep in." type thing. Completely understandable if you don't trust the hussy you fucked to not steal anything whilst you are pushing papers or folding t-shirts but some of us are honest, somewhat.
I just wanted to go into a little bit of detail of what goes on when you are gone. These are some of the routines that I follow when I wake up from said comfy beds:
-text message on my phone for about 20-25 minutes
-go to the bathroom and rub off all smeared mascara off from underneath eyes, shower if reallllllly needed.
-go back to bed
-smoke weed from bongs
-make bed and fluff pillows naked (naked isn't optional. this is something I advise all girls to do for your man, this is such an awesome feeling to see when you get home. kind of a thank you for not making me get up at the crack of dawn after fucking me all night type deal. no pillow mints though, don't want them thinking you are some sort of run of the mill floozy housekeeper)
-leave house
How late is too late?
Whenever I wake up past noon I always have to second guess myself and wonder if I should've left around 10. Is waking up past noon too comfortable and rude? Does it really matter? Something that has been an obstacle in my free loving hanging out in a dudes room scenarios: Roommates. If I could tell you all the times I walked out of my babes room and totally forgot that the live-in neighbor was there I'd probably owe you a few nickels. It's almost worse than the walk of shame because you have literally no back up plans here. Seriously just gotta be like, "whoa, woke up a little late! hah hah!" Then bounce the hell outta there. Getting to you car, high as hell, cackling at your misfortunes, thinking about the good night.
This is going to be a random tangent that I just wanted to address before I start off with the rest of my ranting down below:
If we get in a relationship, fuck, or just even make out there's a slim chance that it's going to be on here. Can't believe that it's even an issue. Next person who does ask though i'm going to put there picture and link to their facebook up with a scale of 1-fuckable underneath. The only exceptions I have if it's a funny story or it relates to the topic I am flapping about. No names, unless you want to? question mark?
If we get in a relationship, fuck, or just even make out there's a slim chance that it's going to be on here. Can't believe that it's even an issue. Next person who does ask though i'm going to put there picture and link to their facebook up with a scale of 1-fuckable underneath. The only exceptions I have if it's a funny story or it relates to the topic I am flapping about. No names, unless you want to? question mark?
Friday, April 1, 2011
tell all your friends
Theme for today: Inbreeding
When you fuck your friends, you fuck ALL of your friends. Do you guys ever look around the room and stop and think, fuck, I've slept with maybe one too many here? I know it's really hard to not get involved with your friend group especially if they are all moderately(ok, to hot)attractive. Or if you are relatively desperate and at the house party of the month and drink a whole flask of gin to yourself. I've been thinking about this for years and the numbers are only growing bigger... There really isn't anything to say because I'm definitely not going to stop my natural urges to be on top of my sexy semi mysterious semi hard boy friends. Ever been hanging out with 4 people and realize that somehow you have all had sex with each other? Thats modern day society right there rolled up into a ball. The most important thing, I think, is that you just don't really give a two shits about it.
When you fuck your friends, you fuck ALL of your friends. Do you guys ever look around the room and stop and think, fuck, I've slept with maybe one too many here? I know it's really hard to not get involved with your friend group especially if they are all moderately(ok, to hot)attractive. Or if you are relatively desperate and at the house party of the month and drink a whole flask of gin to yourself. I've been thinking about this for years and the numbers are only growing bigger... There really isn't anything to say because I'm definitely not going to stop my natural urges to be on top of my sexy semi mysterious semi hard boy friends. Ever been hanging out with 4 people and realize that somehow you have all had sex with each other? Thats modern day society right there rolled up into a ball. The most important thing, I think, is that you just don't really give a two shits about it.
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
R.I.T or I bitch and moan.
Have you ever tried to look inside your brain? Whenever I close my eyes and visualize what my life would look like if it was jumbled into one room i'd see so much chaos, blackness and somehow, glowsticks. These are just some random jumbled nothingness or (random insane thoughts) I've had "encountered" lately:
- Filling my blood full of mouth and going to a party and spitting it out and telling everyone that I should've waited the few days until my girlfriend was off her period.
- Little kids trying to talk dirty over moms vacuumming and vaccuum stops and little kids get in trouble.
- How often can girls fake orgasms.
*side note: almost always. Look for vital signs of faking it; shaking, overly moaning, saying "im going to cum" in a very unconvincing way. I can't think of what else. Shoving your face in it? This isn't something girls to do be rude, it is more of a, I don't want to explain that I am not exactly adult enough to get orgasms everytime I have intercourse sort of thing. If you ate me out, that would be a whole different scenario. This also brings me to something that I was watching on 1 girl, 5 gays (can be seen on LOGO channel). Can guys fake orgasms? One of them said if they weren't on top they could but what if you are the pitcher? Someone please email me the answer: roccamonaut@gmail.com
- Quitting my dayjob and signing up for the groundlings school.
- Having sex with sea cucumbers: http://validatethis.com/2011/03/goosh
- The amount that social networking sites make everyone repeat the news over and over and over.
* This is something that has really been bothering me. If it wasn't for the status update section I wouldn't be able to try to make everyone read my poorly excuted thoughts on sex. It's just getting to the point where about 60 people on my news feed talk about how Elizabeth Tayler died and say some little schpeal or memo about her. This is what I don't get, who gives a fuck about celebrities? Please keep me updated about your lives ( as if i even really care about that) and not about other asinine old people who probably needed to die anyways. You know what I care about? The answer is my friends. I think from now on i'm going to only talk about my friends gossip on the news feed and see how many people repost it.
#rumorcrew
- Filling my blood full of mouth and going to a party and spitting it out and telling everyone that I should've waited the few days until my girlfriend was off her period.
- Little kids trying to talk dirty over moms vacuumming and vaccuum stops and little kids get in trouble.
- How often can girls fake orgasms.
*side note: almost always. Look for vital signs of faking it; shaking, overly moaning, saying "im going to cum" in a very unconvincing way. I can't think of what else. Shoving your face in it? This isn't something girls to do be rude, it is more of a, I don't want to explain that I am not exactly adult enough to get orgasms everytime I have intercourse sort of thing. If you ate me out, that would be a whole different scenario. This also brings me to something that I was watching on 1 girl, 5 gays (can be seen on LOGO channel). Can guys fake orgasms? One of them said if they weren't on top they could but what if you are the pitcher? Someone please email me the answer: roccamonaut@gmail.com
- Quitting my dayjob and signing up for the groundlings school.
- Having sex with sea cucumbers: http://validatethis.com/2011/03/goosh
- The amount that social networking sites make everyone repeat the news over and over and over.
* This is something that has really been bothering me. If it wasn't for the status update section I wouldn't be able to try to make everyone read my poorly excuted thoughts on sex. It's just getting to the point where about 60 people on my news feed talk about how Elizabeth Tayler died and say some little schpeal or memo about her. This is what I don't get, who gives a fuck about celebrities? Please keep me updated about your lives ( as if i even really care about that) and not about other asinine old people who probably needed to die anyways. You know what I care about? The answer is my friends. I think from now on i'm going to only talk about my friends gossip on the news feed and see how many people repost it.
#rumorcrew
Thursday, March 17, 2011
something you can do with your finger.
Unlocking the great mystery of what is in between a girls legs has been punishing the human psyche for hundreds of years. In Africa and some parts of Asia, they preform a surgery that is believed to be a rite of passage into womanhood nicknamed FGM: Female Genital Mutilation. Clitoridectomies get forced on women everyday because of lack of better judgement or skeptisicism of why a women can have something of this function and have no use besides pleasure. In America we don't really see this violent nature hand in hand with stupidity. Rape is just about as far we like to push it.
Instead, we have what is his face jack pretending to embrace a womans labia but the asshole doesn't even realize what is what down there. God, the amount of examples I could give in this article. I'll only touch base with the major flaws I can think of. When you first feel into a girls panties is your first instinct to push down on said flower until it is brown and wilted. I'm kidding, that is your butthole.
you are going to make me bleed dude:
I've always gotten a weird read on lovers who just can't seem to not want to smash the fuck out of your vagina with their sausages. I know you girls know what I am talking about. It is almost as if they think that your clit has been out of reach and so phased out that they better make sure you can really feel it. Sir, you are going to make me desensitized if you are going to keep rubbing and pulling hard. This isn't a video game, let us not smash the buttons and pound on the dashboard until it squirts out tickets for more fun. Think of it more like a laptop mini mouse eraser type deal. Soft and patient and you'll be able to click the next page. Too fast or too hard makes the computer break. Sorry, I just watched this psychedelic our society is a computer operating system video on youtube the other day. It made me associate reality with the technology world. Still waiting for Keanu to come visit me in my dreams, white rabbit. There are the times when getting two fingers stuck up your hot snatch feels really awesome too. Just make sure you cut your fingernails. THIS IS SO IMPORTANT. I mean, this is so cliche but really, ask a girl what is up. This is the best way to avoid knicks and cuts and potentially loosing all feelings in your labia all together.
coy boys and no toys:
Second on my "annoyances of sexually deprived young adults and you" list is something that has been bothering me for a while. This whole I'll kinda play around with you but I expect you to give me a full blowjob deal. Scenario: We are making out, you start to diddle in my panties and that is where things take a turn for the very bad. You don't know where the clit is first of all, so this whole thing is a waste. You feeling my lips is not appealing or sexy at all. Infact, it is pretty annoying and definitely really frustrating especially since this is the first time you've gotten any action since that one time you did ectasy at your work party and ended up hooking up with your friend in the most sloppy way possible. This is your redemption and you get stuck with the shyest boy in town. I seem like such a pretentious bitch talking about how its either too soft or too hard but is it really that difficult to get? I mean, its skin for christ sake. I'm not going to give your dick an indian burn or just a kiss on the head. Continuing on with this rant, this isn't about not knowing where the parts are, this is about touching them for about 2.5 seconds before you move on to directing my hand to your pants. That is the last time I will see any action in my panties personally. Unless of course I am desperate enough to sleep with you.
there is one ticket to brown town:
Let us talk about this (literal) shit for a second. The only thing that urks me in its entirety is when you suddenly get flip of the wrist and a finger in the butt. Maybe I am still semi-prude when it comes to asshole play but fuck do I hate this. I literally get the heebie jeebies thinking about it. Now, don't get me wrong. I have had some pretty amazing intimate moments where this was part of the action and it was way more than awesome but I think for the regular John Doe its probably safe to say that unless a girl knows you are going south of the border its better to stop at the gooch and check into customs and see if you can get past claims. Wow that was a lot of metaphors in one entry. Maybe next time I'll just get submissions of peoples stories and post them instead.
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
the world is lazy but you and me were just crazy.
the thing that i couldn't shake the past 5 months was the amount of pressure i have been feeling on myself to find someone to be with. it's weird, when you are alone so much you really come to terms with who you are. whether it be good or bad growing up is something we all have to face and try to at least better ourselves by realizing the mistakes and awful decisions you put onto yourself since graduating high school. mistakes I have made?
credit score 0:
fuck, i really made sure i couldn't get out the of whole when i was 18. did a really good job at it. looks like all those tattoos i charged and sidekicks i bought made my life a complete and utter financial hell for me currently. i know its not the hardest thing to recover from, especially since most of the economically depressed 20 year olds are more or less in the same boat as me. the only solution from this point is to pay off all your debts and if the only way you know how to is suck that dick, you better start sucking. when did i start the econonaut? when i woke up at 630 pm and realized that i slept 16 hours on purpose. if your dream life is more fullfilling than your conscious, its time to make some steps and try to approve your life in any way possible.
one night stands:
dude, if i could take back most, if not all of these bad boys i would in a second. sure, it makes up a large part of who i am and all the funny stories/situations that most of my database is made up of but was it really worth it? probably not, i think i would have a lot less problems if i just didn't let these get the best of me. its really hard to turn down free, unemotional sex though. really really hard. especially with guys who represent every hot subsititute teacher you've had, skeezy rich producers, lots of introverted writers and also "screenwriters" (jokes in themselves), hot insecure indie boys who use okcupid like myspace, potentially hot DILFS, etc. i could probably list off a whole slew of people who take it upon themselves to only engage in fucking once then bailing. its a great way to fill up the dark void inside yourself but after a while it starts to get stale and the amount of trips to planned parenthood begins to become a regular thing, it is time to re-evaluate your pussy path.
passing the #3 mark:
you are allowed to have sex with up to 3 of your friends. you better make those count because once you pass the third one it really only goes down hill from there. that is when you start to feel like you connect with a bunch of them and then all of a sudden you have kissed most of the friend group. shit, better keep most of them a secret. you can't really feel a connection with all of them but you do. that is why you are a girl and they are brothers.
not finishing college:
this is something that i really wish and think about going back to relatively often. the only thing is, most of my friends who have graduated with a 4 year degree have more or less the same job they could have even if they didn't have it. i guess its something that i could just do and have but then the whole having no financial support thing gets in the way and im back at square one. better continue my movie career...
maybe it was all the acid i did last week in joshua tree that made me come to this realization, maybe not. as i was surrounded by people i have once loved kiss someone else these implusive urges to hook up with someone new came flushing torwards my brain. epiphonies have been going in and out and have almost been driving me towards insanity. one thing that it did trigger was my inspiration to write about how much i dislike my life and just the general "i need to write more" energy.
credit score 0:
fuck, i really made sure i couldn't get out the of whole when i was 18. did a really good job at it. looks like all those tattoos i charged and sidekicks i bought made my life a complete and utter financial hell for me currently. i know its not the hardest thing to recover from, especially since most of the economically depressed 20 year olds are more or less in the same boat as me. the only solution from this point is to pay off all your debts and if the only way you know how to is suck that dick, you better start sucking. when did i start the econonaut? when i woke up at 630 pm and realized that i slept 16 hours on purpose. if your dream life is more fullfilling than your conscious, its time to make some steps and try to approve your life in any way possible.
one night stands:
dude, if i could take back most, if not all of these bad boys i would in a second. sure, it makes up a large part of who i am and all the funny stories/situations that most of my database is made up of but was it really worth it? probably not, i think i would have a lot less problems if i just didn't let these get the best of me. its really hard to turn down free, unemotional sex though. really really hard. especially with guys who represent every hot subsititute teacher you've had, skeezy rich producers, lots of introverted writers and also "screenwriters" (jokes in themselves), hot insecure indie boys who use okcupid like myspace, potentially hot DILFS, etc. i could probably list off a whole slew of people who take it upon themselves to only engage in fucking once then bailing. its a great way to fill up the dark void inside yourself but after a while it starts to get stale and the amount of trips to planned parenthood begins to become a regular thing, it is time to re-evaluate your pussy path.
passing the #3 mark:
you are allowed to have sex with up to 3 of your friends. you better make those count because once you pass the third one it really only goes down hill from there. that is when you start to feel like you connect with a bunch of them and then all of a sudden you have kissed most of the friend group. shit, better keep most of them a secret. you can't really feel a connection with all of them but you do. that is why you are a girl and they are brothers.
not finishing college:
this is something that i really wish and think about going back to relatively often. the only thing is, most of my friends who have graduated with a 4 year degree have more or less the same job they could have even if they didn't have it. i guess its something that i could just do and have but then the whole having no financial support thing gets in the way and im back at square one. better continue my movie career...
maybe it was all the acid i did last week in joshua tree that made me come to this realization, maybe not. as i was surrounded by people i have once loved kiss someone else these implusive urges to hook up with someone new came flushing torwards my brain. epiphonies have been going in and out and have almost been driving me towards insanity. one thing that it did trigger was my inspiration to write about how much i dislike my life and just the general "i need to write more" energy.
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