Back from my "Hiatus" or really just finally not working. What has my time off this past 2 weeks lead me to? Reviving all the death rock records I missed out listening to while I was gone and sleeping a whole fucking lot. Now that I am essentially couch surfing and kinda bed hopping (with friends, not dudes) I thought I'd give the shout out to my old friend and now recent foe, cuddling. Whether it be with your hook up or significant other I think we could all really use some guidelines to ultimately make the bed a more enjoyable, peaceful, and tingly free place.
"Hey, I've slept with you and you are a HUGE cuddler, hypocrite!"
this might be going through some of your heads if you've ever slept in the same bed with me overnight. Well hey, fuck you! I am trying to improve myself and step one is eliminate 85% of the heat trapping nonsense that once was on my mind. Sometimes, it seems very forced and why bother?
My arm is asleep, not my brain.
In no way am I hating on "Sleep Hugging" or the ideas and love/lust that are associated with it. To be clear I am mostly worried about how much sleep I am really getting throughout the night and it can't be much if your arm is separating my head from the pillow. I've decided I do no want to be entangled all night. The other night I fell asleep next to someone on a couch and I was dying for about 2 hours. Him, sound and precious looking; while I was big spoon with my hip sore as a whores mouth and my arm numb enough to stab a hot pen through. No sleep for the wicked. I finally gave up and went to his bed alone, sprawled on his soft sheets with 3 pillows surrounding me. I had a great rest.
Beware of Flashlight Syndrome.
Before everyone jumps the gun and thinks that I never want to cuddle I want to make it clear that I do however love it in the right circumstances. Did we just have a hot session? Fuck yeah I want to be close to you. Spooning on the couch and feeling something that could light up a room? I don't think thats a flashlight..
Solutions?:
Now, I might be having a bit of memory loss but I believe it was either Seinfeld or Friends that touched on this subject. So lets give the "tuck and roll" trick a try. Depending on who falls asleep first, the ladder partner will give one final squeeze to the partner and then slowly roll them off their arm. Free to move around and be comfortable with out feeling guilty. When the sun comes up or either one of you half wake up its back to the assumed position. Sounds like a great start to me.
Relative Questions:
"one night stands and cuddling?, throw a towel at them or rub against splooge?, kiss after a bj?" entertain yourself if you must with what answers you'd like to give yourself.
Sunday, November 7, 2010
gags
Since I haven't updated the Roccamonaut in quite sometime I thought i'd do a "gag reel" of all my attempted entries that never made the final publishing process.
3/8/10
Untitled.
Today I blocked all my narc family members on facebook. I don't know why I didn't do it sooner. Now back to talking about pussy and drugs.
Meh, still agree with this but I am pretty sure it didn't need to be on here. Good facebook status update though.
3/18/10
Entitled: Craigslist Strictly Platonic Adventure
Just made a craigslist posting for me and my friend KDD. All we really mentioned was pot, the paranoid album, and maybe some groovy times ahead. I'm really curious as to see where this goes. Lord knows it will only be a bunch of mexican punks who are way to into the misfits and motorhead. I'll edit this posting everytime I get an email.
Said Posting:
metal headettes seeking metal heads
Where are you at?
We are two groovy girls seeking a pair of dudes who are into the same things we are.
420, head banging, taking trips to the desert, checking out the observatory, or you name it.
please be into: Al Cisneros or Paranoid. Preferably have long hair and maybe a solid beard.
You know why this failed? Craigslist changed their security settings so you had to have a real phone number that they could confirm. At the time I didn't have a phone I could give. End experiment. I do however, highly believe that I will try this once again. Now that I have my business phone up and running it's time for the ol second try. I can think of a few changes i'd make to the posting as well. Maybe not mention metal first of all. You know the ratio of hotties who are into doom in comparison to gross trolls? It's slim pickins for us girls. I am almost certain that I know most of the good looking ones and they all come from either san pedro or cypress.
5/5/10
Failed love attempts from boys.
Theres honestly so much html I can't even focus on what any of this garbage says to me. Some witty responses were given to each email but it's all jumble and probably not even funny.
6/15/10
Con't of blowjobs.
I've touched on this subject lightly in my "levels of a bj" entry but i'd really like to get down and dirty about this.
C-O-C-K-S.
Cool, you said you were huge. Let's see about this.
0h you are totally wrong? or Oh you are totally right (how cocky of you.)
0
What the fuck am I talking about? Someone shove a fucking cock in my mouth already and shut me the fuck up.
10/9/10
Weird days always end up in good sex.
Believe it girls. You ever think to yourself; "geez, is it a peculiar day?". Better go get laid. You'll only surprise yourself in the end.
3/8/10
Untitled.
Today I blocked all my narc family members on facebook. I don't know why I didn't do it sooner. Now back to talking about pussy and drugs.
Meh, still agree with this but I am pretty sure it didn't need to be on here. Good facebook status update though.
3/18/10
Entitled: Craigslist Strictly Platonic Adventure
Just made a craigslist posting for me and my friend KDD. All we really mentioned was pot, the paranoid album, and maybe some groovy times ahead. I'm really curious as to see where this goes. Lord knows it will only be a bunch of mexican punks who are way to into the misfits and motorhead. I'll edit this posting everytime I get an email.
Said Posting:
metal headettes seeking metal heads
Where are you at?
We are two groovy girls seeking a pair of dudes who are into the same things we are.
420, head banging, taking trips to the desert, checking out the observatory, or you name it.
please be into: Al Cisneros or Paranoid. Preferably have long hair and maybe a solid beard.
You know why this failed? Craigslist changed their security settings so you had to have a real phone number that they could confirm. At the time I didn't have a phone I could give. End experiment. I do however, highly believe that I will try this once again. Now that I have my business phone up and running it's time for the ol second try. I can think of a few changes i'd make to the posting as well. Maybe not mention metal first of all. You know the ratio of hotties who are into doom in comparison to gross trolls? It's slim pickins for us girls. I am almost certain that I know most of the good looking ones and they all come from either san pedro or cypress.
5/5/10
Failed love attempts from boys.
I've been getting really entertaining emails lately from boys trying to strike up a conversation.
NAUT:
you have an attitude i can get behind
BACONPLZTHNX:
you have a body i can get behind.
CASTOFF:
subject: dare to die
dare to give dead people drugs
what are you talking about?
MRSURFACE:
hello im looking 4 a girl thts going to be nice to me. i read your profile and i liked it some:) so what u say can we be friends?
MRSURFCE:
hey whats up with girls asking 4 group sex on here?
never even responded to the first email. whos asking this fool 4 group sex?
DEEPERLV:
subject: would you want werewolf or vampire babies?
i would pick werewolf.
and i'd pick a silver bullet i think.
PHYSICSPLEZ:
are you a satan worshipper?
yes, i can only go out with you if you promise me that after i fuck you i get to run your blood all over my naked body.
Theres honestly so much html I can't even focus on what any of this garbage says to me. Some witty responses were given to each email but it's all jumble and probably not even funny.
6/15/10
Con't of blowjobs.
I've touched on this subject lightly in my "levels of a bj" entry but i'd really like to get down and dirty about this.
C-O-C-K-S.
Cool, you said you were huge. Let's see about this.
0h you are totally wrong? or Oh you are totally right (how cocky of you.)
0
What the fuck am I talking about? Someone shove a fucking cock in my mouth already and shut me the fuck up.
10/9/10
Weird days always end up in good sex.
Believe it girls. You ever think to yourself; "geez, is it a peculiar day?". Better go get laid. You'll only surprise yourself in the end.
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