Have you ever tried to look inside your brain? Whenever I close my eyes and visualize what my life would look like if it was jumbled into one room i'd see so much chaos, blackness and somehow, glowsticks. These are just some random jumbled nothingness or (random insane thoughts) I've had "encountered" lately:
- Filling my blood full of mouth and going to a party and spitting it out and telling everyone that I should've waited the few days until my girlfriend was off her period.
- Little kids trying to talk dirty over moms vacuumming and vaccuum stops and little kids get in trouble.
- How often can girls fake orgasms.
*side note: almost always. Look for vital signs of faking it; shaking, overly moaning, saying "im going to cum" in a very unconvincing way. I can't think of what else. Shoving your face in it? This isn't something girls to do be rude, it is more of a, I don't want to explain that I am not exactly adult enough to get orgasms everytime I have intercourse sort of thing. If you ate me out, that would be a whole different scenario. This also brings me to something that I was watching on 1 girl, 5 gays (can be seen on LOGO channel). Can guys fake orgasms? One of them said if they weren't on top they could but what if you are the pitcher? Someone please email me the answer: roccamonaut@gmail.com
- Quitting my dayjob and signing up for the groundlings school.
- Having sex with sea cucumbers: http://validatethis.com/2011/03/goosh
- The amount that social networking sites make everyone repeat the news over and over and over.
* This is something that has really been bothering me. If it wasn't for the status update section I wouldn't be able to try to make everyone read my poorly excuted thoughts on sex. It's just getting to the point where about 60 people on my news feed talk about how Elizabeth Tayler died and say some little schpeal or memo about her. This is what I don't get, who gives a fuck about celebrities? Please keep me updated about your lives ( as if i even really care about that) and not about other asinine old people who probably needed to die anyways. You know what I care about? The answer is my friends. I think from now on i'm going to only talk about my friends gossip on the news feed and see how many people repost it.
#rumorcrew
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Thursday, March 17, 2011
something you can do with your finger.
Unlocking the great mystery of what is in between a girls legs has been punishing the human psyche for hundreds of years. In Africa and some parts of Asia, they preform a surgery that is believed to be a rite of passage into womanhood nicknamed FGM: Female Genital Mutilation. Clitoridectomies get forced on women everyday because of lack of better judgement or skeptisicism of why a women can have something of this function and have no use besides pleasure. In America we don't really see this violent nature hand in hand with stupidity. Rape is just about as far we like to push it.
Instead, we have what is his face jack pretending to embrace a womans labia but the asshole doesn't even realize what is what down there. God, the amount of examples I could give in this article. I'll only touch base with the major flaws I can think of. When you first feel into a girls panties is your first instinct to push down on said flower until it is brown and wilted. I'm kidding, that is your butthole.
you are going to make me bleed dude:
I've always gotten a weird read on lovers who just can't seem to not want to smash the fuck out of your vagina with their sausages. I know you girls know what I am talking about. It is almost as if they think that your clit has been out of reach and so phased out that they better make sure you can really feel it. Sir, you are going to make me desensitized if you are going to keep rubbing and pulling hard. This isn't a video game, let us not smash the buttons and pound on the dashboard until it squirts out tickets for more fun. Think of it more like a laptop mini mouse eraser type deal. Soft and patient and you'll be able to click the next page. Too fast or too hard makes the computer break. Sorry, I just watched this psychedelic our society is a computer operating system video on youtube the other day. It made me associate reality with the technology world. Still waiting for Keanu to come visit me in my dreams, white rabbit. There are the times when getting two fingers stuck up your hot snatch feels really awesome too. Just make sure you cut your fingernails. THIS IS SO IMPORTANT. I mean, this is so cliche but really, ask a girl what is up. This is the best way to avoid knicks and cuts and potentially loosing all feelings in your labia all together.
coy boys and no toys:
Second on my "annoyances of sexually deprived young adults and you" list is something that has been bothering me for a while. This whole I'll kinda play around with you but I expect you to give me a full blowjob deal. Scenario: We are making out, you start to diddle in my panties and that is where things take a turn for the very bad. You don't know where the clit is first of all, so this whole thing is a waste. You feeling my lips is not appealing or sexy at all. Infact, it is pretty annoying and definitely really frustrating especially since this is the first time you've gotten any action since that one time you did ectasy at your work party and ended up hooking up with your friend in the most sloppy way possible. This is your redemption and you get stuck with the shyest boy in town. I seem like such a pretentious bitch talking about how its either too soft or too hard but is it really that difficult to get? I mean, its skin for christ sake. I'm not going to give your dick an indian burn or just a kiss on the head. Continuing on with this rant, this isn't about not knowing where the parts are, this is about touching them for about 2.5 seconds before you move on to directing my hand to your pants. That is the last time I will see any action in my panties personally. Unless of course I am desperate enough to sleep with you.
there is one ticket to brown town:
Let us talk about this (literal) shit for a second. The only thing that urks me in its entirety is when you suddenly get flip of the wrist and a finger in the butt. Maybe I am still semi-prude when it comes to asshole play but fuck do I hate this. I literally get the heebie jeebies thinking about it. Now, don't get me wrong. I have had some pretty amazing intimate moments where this was part of the action and it was way more than awesome but I think for the regular John Doe its probably safe to say that unless a girl knows you are going south of the border its better to stop at the gooch and check into customs and see if you can get past claims. Wow that was a lot of metaphors in one entry. Maybe next time I'll just get submissions of peoples stories and post them instead.
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
the world is lazy but you and me were just crazy.
the thing that i couldn't shake the past 5 months was the amount of pressure i have been feeling on myself to find someone to be with. it's weird, when you are alone so much you really come to terms with who you are. whether it be good or bad growing up is something we all have to face and try to at least better ourselves by realizing the mistakes and awful decisions you put onto yourself since graduating high school. mistakes I have made?
credit score 0:
fuck, i really made sure i couldn't get out the of whole when i was 18. did a really good job at it. looks like all those tattoos i charged and sidekicks i bought made my life a complete and utter financial hell for me currently. i know its not the hardest thing to recover from, especially since most of the economically depressed 20 year olds are more or less in the same boat as me. the only solution from this point is to pay off all your debts and if the only way you know how to is suck that dick, you better start sucking. when did i start the econonaut? when i woke up at 630 pm and realized that i slept 16 hours on purpose. if your dream life is more fullfilling than your conscious, its time to make some steps and try to approve your life in any way possible.
one night stands:
dude, if i could take back most, if not all of these bad boys i would in a second. sure, it makes up a large part of who i am and all the funny stories/situations that most of my database is made up of but was it really worth it? probably not, i think i would have a lot less problems if i just didn't let these get the best of me. its really hard to turn down free, unemotional sex though. really really hard. especially with guys who represent every hot subsititute teacher you've had, skeezy rich producers, lots of introverted writers and also "screenwriters" (jokes in themselves), hot insecure indie boys who use okcupid like myspace, potentially hot DILFS, etc. i could probably list off a whole slew of people who take it upon themselves to only engage in fucking once then bailing. its a great way to fill up the dark void inside yourself but after a while it starts to get stale and the amount of trips to planned parenthood begins to become a regular thing, it is time to re-evaluate your pussy path.
passing the #3 mark:
you are allowed to have sex with up to 3 of your friends. you better make those count because once you pass the third one it really only goes down hill from there. that is when you start to feel like you connect with a bunch of them and then all of a sudden you have kissed most of the friend group. shit, better keep most of them a secret. you can't really feel a connection with all of them but you do. that is why you are a girl and they are brothers.
not finishing college:
this is something that i really wish and think about going back to relatively often. the only thing is, most of my friends who have graduated with a 4 year degree have more or less the same job they could have even if they didn't have it. i guess its something that i could just do and have but then the whole having no financial support thing gets in the way and im back at square one. better continue my movie career...
maybe it was all the acid i did last week in joshua tree that made me come to this realization, maybe not. as i was surrounded by people i have once loved kiss someone else these implusive urges to hook up with someone new came flushing torwards my brain. epiphonies have been going in and out and have almost been driving me towards insanity. one thing that it did trigger was my inspiration to write about how much i dislike my life and just the general "i need to write more" energy.
credit score 0:
fuck, i really made sure i couldn't get out the of whole when i was 18. did a really good job at it. looks like all those tattoos i charged and sidekicks i bought made my life a complete and utter financial hell for me currently. i know its not the hardest thing to recover from, especially since most of the economically depressed 20 year olds are more or less in the same boat as me. the only solution from this point is to pay off all your debts and if the only way you know how to is suck that dick, you better start sucking. when did i start the econonaut? when i woke up at 630 pm and realized that i slept 16 hours on purpose. if your dream life is more fullfilling than your conscious, its time to make some steps and try to approve your life in any way possible.
one night stands:
dude, if i could take back most, if not all of these bad boys i would in a second. sure, it makes up a large part of who i am and all the funny stories/situations that most of my database is made up of but was it really worth it? probably not, i think i would have a lot less problems if i just didn't let these get the best of me. its really hard to turn down free, unemotional sex though. really really hard. especially with guys who represent every hot subsititute teacher you've had, skeezy rich producers, lots of introverted writers and also "screenwriters" (jokes in themselves), hot insecure indie boys who use okcupid like myspace, potentially hot DILFS, etc. i could probably list off a whole slew of people who take it upon themselves to only engage in fucking once then bailing. its a great way to fill up the dark void inside yourself but after a while it starts to get stale and the amount of trips to planned parenthood begins to become a regular thing, it is time to re-evaluate your pussy path.
passing the #3 mark:
you are allowed to have sex with up to 3 of your friends. you better make those count because once you pass the third one it really only goes down hill from there. that is when you start to feel like you connect with a bunch of them and then all of a sudden you have kissed most of the friend group. shit, better keep most of them a secret. you can't really feel a connection with all of them but you do. that is why you are a girl and they are brothers.
not finishing college:
this is something that i really wish and think about going back to relatively often. the only thing is, most of my friends who have graduated with a 4 year degree have more or less the same job they could have even if they didn't have it. i guess its something that i could just do and have but then the whole having no financial support thing gets in the way and im back at square one. better continue my movie career...
maybe it was all the acid i did last week in joshua tree that made me come to this realization, maybe not. as i was surrounded by people i have once loved kiss someone else these implusive urges to hook up with someone new came flushing torwards my brain. epiphonies have been going in and out and have almost been driving me towards insanity. one thing that it did trigger was my inspiration to write about how much i dislike my life and just the general "i need to write more" energy.
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