the thing that i couldn't shake the past 5 months was the amount of pressure i have been feeling on myself to find someone to be with. it's weird, when you are alone so much you really come to terms with who you are. whether it be good or bad growing up is something we all have to face and try to at least better ourselves by realizing the mistakes and awful decisions you put onto yourself since graduating high school. mistakes I have made?
credit score 0:
fuck, i really made sure i couldn't get out the of whole when i was 18. did a really good job at it. looks like all those tattoos i charged and sidekicks i bought made my life a complete and utter financial hell for me currently. i know its not the hardest thing to recover from, especially since most of the economically depressed 20 year olds are more or less in the same boat as me. the only solution from this point is to pay off all your debts and if the only way you know how to is suck that dick, you better start sucking. when did i start the econonaut? when i woke up at 630 pm and realized that i slept 16 hours on purpose. if your dream life is more fullfilling than your conscious, its time to make some steps and try to approve your life in any way possible.
one night stands:
dude, if i could take back most, if not all of these bad boys i would in a second. sure, it makes up a large part of who i am and all the funny stories/situations that most of my database is made up of but was it really worth it? probably not, i think i would have a lot less problems if i just didn't let these get the best of me. its really hard to turn down free, unemotional sex though. really really hard. especially with guys who represent every hot subsititute teacher you've had, skeezy rich producers, lots of introverted writers and also "screenwriters" (jokes in themselves), hot insecure indie boys who use okcupid like myspace, potentially hot DILFS, etc. i could probably list off a whole slew of people who take it upon themselves to only engage in fucking once then bailing. its a great way to fill up the dark void inside yourself but after a while it starts to get stale and the amount of trips to planned parenthood begins to become a regular thing, it is time to re-evaluate your pussy path.
passing the #3 mark:
you are allowed to have sex with up to 3 of your friends. you better make those count because once you pass the third one it really only goes down hill from there. that is when you start to feel like you connect with a bunch of them and then all of a sudden you have kissed most of the friend group. shit, better keep most of them a secret. you can't really feel a connection with all of them but you do. that is why you are a girl and they are brothers.
not finishing college:
this is something that i really wish and think about going back to relatively often. the only thing is, most of my friends who have graduated with a 4 year degree have more or less the same job they could have even if they didn't have it. i guess its something that i could just do and have but then the whole having no financial support thing gets in the way and im back at square one. better continue my movie career...
maybe it was all the acid i did last week in joshua tree that made me come to this realization, maybe not. as i was surrounded by people i have once loved kiss someone else these implusive urges to hook up with someone new came flushing torwards my brain. epiphonies have been going in and out and have almost been driving me towards insanity. one thing that it did trigger was my inspiration to write about how much i dislike my life and just the general "i need to write more" energy.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment