Unlocking the great mystery of what is in between a girls legs has been punishing the human psyche for hundreds of years. In Africa and some parts of Asia, they preform a surgery that is believed to be a rite of passage into womanhood nicknamed FGM: Female Genital Mutilation. Clitoridectomies get forced on women everyday because of lack of better judgement or skeptisicism of why a women can have something of this function and have no use besides pleasure. In America we don't really see this violent nature hand in hand with stupidity. Rape is just about as far we like to push it.
Instead, we have what is his face jack pretending to embrace a womans labia but the asshole doesn't even realize what is what down there. God, the amount of examples I could give in this article. I'll only touch base with the major flaws I can think of. When you first feel into a girls panties is your first instinct to push down on said flower until it is brown and wilted. I'm kidding, that is your butthole.
you are going to make me bleed dude:
I've always gotten a weird read on lovers who just can't seem to not want to smash the fuck out of your vagina with their sausages. I know you girls know what I am talking about. It is almost as if they think that your clit has been out of reach and so phased out that they better make sure you can really feel it. Sir, you are going to make me desensitized if you are going to keep rubbing and pulling hard. This isn't a video game, let us not smash the buttons and pound on the dashboard until it squirts out tickets for more fun. Think of it more like a laptop mini mouse eraser type deal. Soft and patient and you'll be able to click the next page. Too fast or too hard makes the computer break. Sorry, I just watched this psychedelic our society is a computer operating system video on youtube the other day. It made me associate reality with the technology world. Still waiting for Keanu to come visit me in my dreams, white rabbit. There are the times when getting two fingers stuck up your hot snatch feels really awesome too. Just make sure you cut your fingernails. THIS IS SO IMPORTANT. I mean, this is so cliche but really, ask a girl what is up. This is the best way to avoid knicks and cuts and potentially loosing all feelings in your labia all together.
coy boys and no toys:
Second on my "annoyances of sexually deprived young adults and you" list is something that has been bothering me for a while. This whole I'll kinda play around with you but I expect you to give me a full blowjob deal. Scenario: We are making out, you start to diddle in my panties and that is where things take a turn for the very bad. You don't know where the clit is first of all, so this whole thing is a waste. You feeling my lips is not appealing or sexy at all. Infact, it is pretty annoying and definitely really frustrating especially since this is the first time you've gotten any action since that one time you did ectasy at your work party and ended up hooking up with your friend in the most sloppy way possible. This is your redemption and you get stuck with the shyest boy in town. I seem like such a pretentious bitch talking about how its either too soft or too hard but is it really that difficult to get? I mean, its skin for christ sake. I'm not going to give your dick an indian burn or just a kiss on the head. Continuing on with this rant, this isn't about not knowing where the parts are, this is about touching them for about 2.5 seconds before you move on to directing my hand to your pants. That is the last time I will see any action in my panties personally. Unless of course I am desperate enough to sleep with you.
there is one ticket to brown town:
Let us talk about this (literal) shit for a second. The only thing that urks me in its entirety is when you suddenly get flip of the wrist and a finger in the butt. Maybe I am still semi-prude when it comes to asshole play but fuck do I hate this. I literally get the heebie jeebies thinking about it. Now, don't get me wrong. I have had some pretty amazing intimate moments where this was part of the action and it was way more than awesome but I think for the regular John Doe its probably safe to say that unless a girl knows you are going south of the border its better to stop at the gooch and check into customs and see if you can get past claims. Wow that was a lot of metaphors in one entry. Maybe next time I'll just get submissions of peoples stories and post them instead.
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